A Rant On Autism & A Poem From The Never Was
The Matchbook | 10.10.25
My little book, my little silhouette of my soul thrust into the sunset light that all you beauties collectively make, has been out and about now for 17 days. 17 days of living in your hands, on your bookshelves, and hopefully dammit, in your hearts. The Never Was is in the wild, and I love that so very, very much.
I am so proud of this book, so proud of the way it poured out all that was inside me, inked itself on to pages, shared itself with so many of you all. I am so proud that it shows what it is to be, to me, Autistic. I am proud because I am Autistic and it wasn’t anyone’s fucking Fault. It wasn’t Tylenol that my Mother took when she was pregnant with me, it wasn’t early circumcision (as RFK tried to spout yesterday), it wasn’t getting vaccinated against diseases that would have killed me in half a god damn breath 150 years ago. It’s my brain, it’s perfectly imperfect and it’s delightfully noisy and it’s MINE. It’s not like anyone else’s, and it doesn’t have to be.
I understand there is an inherent privilege that where I am on the Autism Spectrum (can we please bring back Aspergers, because I still consider myself this and find it much more helpful to explain to people than trying to walk them gently through the idea that I am at a place on the spectrum that SEEMS to be really really high functioning, only because all the turmoil and strife and landslide by way of earthquake by way of tsunami by way of meteor strike is hidden neatly beneath the surface so it doesn’t scare you away when you meet me) is not where some are, and I do not suffer from so many of the things that make life for others so much more challenging. Still, always, we, all of us we on the big wide spectrum, are not broken simply because we do not fit into a world not built for us.
Perhaps the world is broken for not understanding how we fit.
RFK, in all his blustery buffoonery, told the world this about all of us with autism:
These are kids who will never pay taxes. They’ll never hold a job. They’ll never play baseball. They’ll never write a poem. They’ll never go out on a date.
My taxes are paid (to a government that continues to let me down and fund atrocities I cannot even begin to fully measure). I’ve been self-employed since I was 18-years-old and called myself my only Boss since then. I played baseball until I had to choose between pursuing it as a career or quitting to write poetry. I choose poetry, and now I have published 6 full books of poetry, and written quite literally thousands more. I am married to a woman that is so far beyond unfairly magical that I still feel a strange bit of embarrassment saying my name in a sentence with hers.
I am tired though. Tired on a scale I don’t really know how to articulate, and I think so much of the exhaustion comes from the idea that it’s only going to get worse for us, for quite awhile. Autism is a hot-button issue, it’s a trending topic, and instead of all this leading to more empathy, better care, better awareness beyond wearing a fucking sunflower lanyard as I travel through an airport, it’s just leading to more anger, more frustration, more divide, more vitriol, more finger pointing and blame and conspiracy theory and more ridiculous bullshit spewed out into universe by those so ill-equipped to do so it makes me vomitous and pale in the face of it.
I am autistic, I am proud to be this, and I don’t want or need to be fixed. I didn’t take the wrong medication, I didn’t react poorly to a jab, I didn’t somehow get a sneaky case when my foreskin got the snip. I’m perfect as is, from penis to pupils, and so are you, and you, and you, and you, whether or not you dwell on this beautiful spectrum or not.
A favor, before I share a poem from my new book, a poem RFK and his legions of morons swore I could NEVER POSSIBLY WRITE:
DO NOT EVER look at yourself and feel doubt for the beauty in you. DO NOT EVER let someone tell you that you’re broken for being born the way you are, DO NOT EVER let them cast blame on you, or your mother, or anyone else, for the way your brain works. And for those on the fence, not fully understanding what they believe is true or false or yes or no or some glowing Maybe like a neon sign in the dark alleys of their thoughts, just do your research, your real research from real scientists, and then go from there. Please.
And now, a poem from my new book, an Autistic poem from an Autistic writer who will never stop trying to show up for those whose voices aren’t quite loud enough, or don’t reach quite enough people. I hope you enjoy it.
And, for all you who like hearing me read it, the Spoken Word Audio Version! WAHOO!!!
For all you who do not yet own a copy of this, please please remedy this. You have two options really, I still have a few copies of the super rare, SIGNED + PERSONALIZED copies that ship directly from ME to YOU (which is amazing), OR you can get it online or at your local bookstore. If they don’t have it, ask someone, they can get it in lickity split no doubt, and then you get to support a local bookseller rather than Jeff Bezos and his space-themed wet dreams. Cool.
OR
I love you all so very very much. Thanks for letting me rant.
Be good.
I was thinking the other day, in school they spent so much time teaching us about wars and the holocaust and what made people evil. And almost no time at all teaching us about the people being oppressed. It's so important now to share these stories. Yours and others and our own. To spread the humanity. To remind people of the precious people and lives we are fighting for. To remind people we are all human and as unique as we are, that diversity makes live worth living. 🫶
A little background may be helpful of what Tyler was writing about. I have family members who have been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. It is defined as a neurodevelopmental condition within the family of autism spectrum disorders. It is expressed by those who have a hard time relating to others socially; display unusual behavior patterns, limited expression, and a narrow range of interests. While they generally function and converse at a high level, the behaviors can interfere with everyday life primarily impacting social interaction. While such symptoms generally diminish as individuals transition into adulthood, there are social challenges, perceptual deficits, difficulties with nonverbal communication, and restricted and repetitive behaviors that remain consistent over time. In 2013, Asperger syndrome and the other autism-related diagnoses were folded into the broader autism spectrum disorder (ASD) diagnosis. Whether it’s called “Asperger syndrome”, or today “level 1 ASD”, there is no difference in the diagnoses. These syndromes are all the same. Some providers may still use the term Asperger’s Syndrome, but others will say “ASD – without intellectual or language impairment." But most importantly, these are all Gods creatures and human beings who live unique, productive and valuable lives, making them so much more than just part of a medically defined group.