I’m not formally diagnosed, but this rings true for me. I’m pragmatic about death to the point I feel bad about it - for people, anyway. My parents are elderly and sometimes say they worry about death, but I just see it as something on the horizon at the end of a long life. Same as you, the loss of my pets (2 now) broke me in a completely different way than the loss of people I’ve loved. Thank you, as always, for speaking so eloquently for us.
This is a very neurodiverse AND Buddhist way of looking at this, and I share it sometimes. We all must go, no amount of power, influence, or resisting, can hold it off. Thank YOU, always, for contributing so wisely to the conversations I kick off.
I agree—the people I’ve lost I’ve been sad over but mostly sad for the people who are mourning them. With pets however it is like the end of the world even when I see my deceased pets inside my living ones. Maybe that’s why I don’t mourn people the same way-somehow I know they’re coming back. I do mourn objects and plants and houses and things though usually spurring me to find another one. Like I can make it ok if I find another one. Maybe objects don’t reincarnate and that is why. But yes when it comes to pets being lost I am destroyed.
Oooh, this distinction is such an important, and un-sung one. "Maybe objects don't reincarnate" is such a fantastic explanation too why the loss of treasured things can hurt so much. Because their finality feels truly final. Wonderful insight, thank you so much.
I dreamt about my (deceased) grandparents, particularly my grandma, last night. I grieve in the more neurotypical way but waking up from those dreams and reading about a different way to grieve was soothing.
I love learning about grief. It touches us all in ways that separate and unite us. Humans do the strangest, often beautiful, things when we grieve. I am happy to have learned about your grieving experience and, I cant speak for Sarah, but having someone to support me through my grief, who is not shattered in the way that I am, would be such a gift.
It's funny, I too am drawn to grief, to nostalgia, to melancholy. I always have been. It always seems such a more fascinating set of emotions to me, sharing it, easing it, sometimes just sitting in it. How strange the different ways to navigate this time here.
Grief might be the most complicated emotion humans deal with no matter where one is on the "spectrum." It's a combination of nostalgia, longing, regret, loneliness, anger, and maybe a recipe of ten other human emotions. Grief is for the living, and if we are going to fully live, then we must grieve, and we must not only accept it, but I think embrace it when it comes. But defining it is unnecessary. It is what it is for each of us because of our own history and make-up, and none is of it is right or wrong. As John Lennon wrote, "whatever gets you through the night."
Dead (no pun intended) on the money here sir. I completely agree that there is no definition needed, that we all do it so uniquely, and that is stunning, too.
Hi Tyler, I have actually just published a substack piece discussing how grief has affected me. I’ve decided to start publishing old pieces of writing and anything new that comes to me. It’s the whole ‘learning to suck at something first’ thing.
My brain is spinning with this one ... because when I dredge up memories, I feel the same as I did then. I'm whirling between the deaths of my parents. My brother. And many cats, but one in particular that took me off guard. I still grieve for him. Kismet. A soul mate who died far too young.
So I'm going to leave this here. Hug you [all] and go back to watching The Boys to drown out the experiences I feel all over again.
It's not an awful thing. Remembering these deep feels in my body. It's just the way I am emotionally and empathetically built.
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us here.
I’m not formally diagnosed, but this rings true for me. I’m pragmatic about death to the point I feel bad about it - for people, anyway. My parents are elderly and sometimes say they worry about death, but I just see it as something on the horizon at the end of a long life. Same as you, the loss of my pets (2 now) broke me in a completely different way than the loss of people I’ve loved. Thank you, as always, for speaking so eloquently for us.
This is a very neurodiverse AND Buddhist way of looking at this, and I share it sometimes. We all must go, no amount of power, influence, or resisting, can hold it off. Thank YOU, always, for contributing so wisely to the conversations I kick off.
I agree—the people I’ve lost I’ve been sad over but mostly sad for the people who are mourning them. With pets however it is like the end of the world even when I see my deceased pets inside my living ones. Maybe that’s why I don’t mourn people the same way-somehow I know they’re coming back. I do mourn objects and plants and houses and things though usually spurring me to find another one. Like I can make it ok if I find another one. Maybe objects don’t reincarnate and that is why. But yes when it comes to pets being lost I am destroyed.
Oooh, this distinction is such an important, and un-sung one. "Maybe objects don't reincarnate" is such a fantastic explanation too why the loss of treasured things can hurt so much. Because their finality feels truly final. Wonderful insight, thank you so much.
Strange how the gifts we have, counter the ones we lack… as if the “ying” is not the opposite to the “yang” but actually it’s mirror image.
…Better to say nothing at all
I cannot find words
The ones that say what I mean
Those words escape me
It is all timing
The right word for the rite time
Later, doesn’t help
I can write the words
But speaking them, without notes
… Like walking on sand
Now, if I’m alone
I could talk all the day long
I just don’t reply
So, I don’t say much.
My face tries to do the work.
A job just half done
One of my best dreams
Is for me to give a speech
Without words to read
I shout from a crowd
“I have something to tell you!”
Words flow like water…
There is a red thread
That joins the brain to the tongue
Mine goes somewhere else
THIS Kevin! "The gifts we have, counter the ones we lack." How beautifully put. My goodness.
I dreamt about my (deceased) grandparents, particularly my grandma, last night. I grieve in the more neurotypical way but waking up from those dreams and reading about a different way to grieve was soothing.
I love learning about grief. It touches us all in ways that separate and unite us. Humans do the strangest, often beautiful, things when we grieve. I am happy to have learned about your grieving experience and, I cant speak for Sarah, but having someone to support me through my grief, who is not shattered in the way that I am, would be such a gift.
It's funny, I too am drawn to grief, to nostalgia, to melancholy. I always have been. It always seems such a more fascinating set of emotions to me, sharing it, easing it, sometimes just sitting in it. How strange the different ways to navigate this time here.
Grief might be the most complicated emotion humans deal with no matter where one is on the "spectrum." It's a combination of nostalgia, longing, regret, loneliness, anger, and maybe a recipe of ten other human emotions. Grief is for the living, and if we are going to fully live, then we must grieve, and we must not only accept it, but I think embrace it when it comes. But defining it is unnecessary. It is what it is for each of us because of our own history and make-up, and none is of it is right or wrong. As John Lennon wrote, "whatever gets you through the night."
Dead (no pun intended) on the money here sir. I completely agree that there is no definition needed, that we all do it so uniquely, and that is stunning, too.
I am very much looking forward to sharing my thoughts on this, once im at my computer and not on my phone. This my official place holder.
I cannot wait to hear :)
Hi Tyler, I have actually just published a substack piece discussing how grief has affected me. I’ve decided to start publishing old pieces of writing and anything new that comes to me. It’s the whole ‘learning to suck at something first’ thing.
My brain is spinning with this one ... because when I dredge up memories, I feel the same as I did then. I'm whirling between the deaths of my parents. My brother. And many cats, but one in particular that took me off guard. I still grieve for him. Kismet. A soul mate who died far too young.
So I'm going to leave this here. Hug you [all] and go back to watching The Boys to drown out the experiences I feel all over again.
It's not an awful thing. Remembering these deep feels in my body. It's just the way I am emotionally and empathetically built.
And so it is. [HUG]
Hugs right back to you, and I truly know how much remembering can hurt. I hope you feel us all embracing you back.