I have always found Buddhism fascinating! Thanks for this bit of insight. It’s truly the only religion I could see myself a part of because they never persecute a group of people.
I do agree with the process of merit, mostly for it inherently positive effects in our world , but less-so for the single minded goal of self-satisfaction. My seemingly life-long motivation has been driven by the challenge that “time is a false god to worship”. Whether we are challenged by too much (what to do “better” with the time we have) or too little (what to do “more” with the time we have). I am forever debating my own hedonic happiness (pleasure) versus eudaimonic happiness (meaning and purpose). Yet, when I force myself to climb down my ladder of anxiety, giving up the forced march of focus, it feels wantonly empty to waste whatever is left of the good time remaining. I have found one thing that resembles satisfaction within my own “field of merit”, and that is kindness extended without expectation of return… for me and from them. If you have heard the exclamation “Oh, for goodness sake … (add your name here) ”, as much as I did growing up, you may been surprised it wasn’t printed on your first identification card. Yes, I am the result of the Ecclesia Romana drum endlessly beaten to the rhythm of “it is better to give than receive”. This seems tattooed on my psychological foundation, to the extent that I prefer to do so anonymously (which requires some effort when doing so in person). It is not guilt or remorse driven from past unearned advantages. More likely origins of trauma, deprivation, and exclusion… I can excuse the context for such base feelings of inadequacy, but not the permission to continue when the culmination has been all the resources and capabilities to do more with what I have. The question is “why do we feel we must do more with the time we have when we want to do so naturally; intuitively”? Is it the motivation to do more good or is it to do more well? The empathetic expressions of our own embrace or persistent pursuit of perfection. Either seems extreme. In all fairness, I can and do manage such mind-numbing thoughts by telling myself to be “mindful” or just to “chill-out”, but it’s only now my time spent writing each day that assuages such thoughts to be meta-physically poured onto paper or screen. So, while I’m not sold that life is a bank of accumulated merits to be used a currency in some future marketplace of nihilistic nirvana … it is easier to bank in the merit in doing good simply for goodness sake.
Ironically, there were other essays on “happiness” in media this weekend. Both interesting and informative. First, there was a NPR program called “The Hidden Mind” which did a program they called “The Path to Contentment”. CBS Sunday Morning had a short segment they called “The Carousel of Happiness.” In both programs, the message seems to favor the search for giving versus getting, in that happiness is never a result, but witnessed within a process.
I will absolutely have to check these out! Thanks for the tip. Also, a funny side note: I actually was filmed for an entire essay of CBS Sunday Morning, and then something major happened in the news world the weekend it was to air, and they shelved it. Still haven't seen it.
Time is the falsest god of all to worship, yet it seems the one that more people choose than any other. We sell ours for such small returns, so often. I think the older I get, the more I start just aiming at good for goods sake and question less and less beyond that. If it is good, if it does good, do it and worry not about the rest. I've liked where it's been taking me following this thus far. I think I'll keep with it.
Firstly kindness matters the most! It's not always the easiest subject to speak on, but it is always an important subject. I have always tried to maintain PMA (positive mental attitude) with the world. This is also not easy, especially with the current state of things bc some days it's all just feels hopeless to do. However, I believe I can foster kindness and happiness in my little corner of this world and while it's not a big worldly change for the masses, maybe just maybe my kind acts and words will change the world for someone I interact with. If it's all about small acts and we each do our part, those little things will eventually add up to big things. Go forth and be kind ❤️
You're dead on the money. Kindness first, second, third. Last. To foster it in the corners we occupy is 99% of the battle, I've always believed. Thanks for agreeing.
You asked us to tell you about times that a small act of kindness changed our day. I think kindness is a way to approach the world, rather than a series of individual acts. This is easier said than done! I have learned that my first impressions are not necessarily good ones- I tend to be wary or simply judgemental. But I have also learned that I can choose to shift my perspective to a kinder one and have “soft eyes”- to try to have a greater understanding of that person and the possible motivation for their actions. This was particularly important when I was a teacher interacting with middle school age children. While many of my fellow ‘black and white’ staff members were quick to dismiss some kids as “bad”, I looked for the good in each of them, and this made all the difference to a few of them.
When among friends who are gossiping, I avoid (or try to) joining into wholehearted character bashing if this occurs, and try to offer up a different take on the person and their words/actions. Unfortunately, there can be a cost to this, that people perceive you as wishy-washy.
I was playing pickle ball with a large group of ladies in a a competitive game situation in which you move up to a higher court if you win. “Cindy” was an older woman and probably the least skilled player. She remained at court 1 throughout the entire two hours and you knew that if you ended up with her as your partner, you were most likely going to lose. When she would miss easy shots, etc., she never said anything- but you know as a player yourself that you feel bad for every gaffe. It can’t have been a good feeling. At first I thought, Ugh! Then I made myself think about how Cindy must be feeling, rather than about whether or not I was winning. As you wrote, “it is the intention behind the action so much more than the action itself, that truly transforms us.” I literally saw her differently when I shifted my perspective to one of kindness and compassion and I responded differently, being more encouraging and laughing it away. I realized that I like myself a lot better when I am kind.
Fully. Agree. It's a life path, not a day trip. Well said Laura, as per usual. I find, that whenever you speak up against gossip or shit-talking, most people then get annoyed and think of you always playing devil's advocate and trying to posture yourself as a do-gooder...but, it's worth it most of the time. There are far more than enough people willing to bash and tear people down, far too few of the opposite. Tip the scales, whatever the cost. :) I LOVE your Cindy story, and it's such a perfect illustration of every single thing I Tried to say. THank you.
I'm a kindness fanatic!! One way I show kindness is to say thank you, to people who are doing a service that makes my life easier/better, EVEN IF THEY GET PAID to do said service.
My mom taught me this one young and I've never stopped.
Janitor cleaning at school? Thank you! Person sorting my literal trash at the mall food court? THANK YOUUUUU. Teenage sales associate "helping" me even though I don't need help but their manager is watching and I want their life to be easier -- thank you so much, you lil cutie pie. Servers -- thank you!! Delivery people -- thanks for making my day by bringing me the package I've been waiting for!
Just because they are getting paid, doesn't mean it's easy, or even that they want to be doing that job. Also, no job makes us a better or worse person, in comparison to each other, although so many people believe their job and status makes them "above" gratitude. NO. We're all people, we're all equal, we're all just doing the damn thing to make the dollars to pay for our needs to be met, and maybe for some frivolity if we're lucky.
I word vomit "thank you" all over the place and it feels so good when people make eye contact and I can see they're surprised and then delighted that I am acknowledging their efforts.
Working in retail customer service, [fitting room mostly], I get to practice kindness all day. I receive it as well, which is the icing on the cake. Not too sweet but just right.
I think I was born to this service. People often recommend that I find a less physically demanding job. But I disagree. To be of service in a very public and practical way, I feel, is an exquisite way to be in my calling.
I was once told by an acupuncturist/Buddhist practitioner that I was a Bodhisattva, and saying that, sometimes, those vows can be a bitch. He was right. It's not always easy to rein myself in after I have sworn at the driver in front of me. But I let it go really fast and apologise to both of us ... especially to myself.
Today, I am reminded of my late brother's birthday. I still hold anger at him for several things. Realising this this morning, I have made it my goal today to release that anger. To apologise to him and myself for the years I have held this malice and replace it with loving kindness. I'm on my way. I let go with every sigh as I think of him and lean into the love we had.
May all beings be free of suffering and find loving kindness.
I love that you view your work as an opportunity for kindness! I think most people in retail might not agree, and that makes it even more special, truly. And wow, what a compliment, BodhiGayle. I love it. May all things be free of suffering indeed. You're a rare gem.
I have always found Buddhism fascinating! Thanks for this bit of insight. It’s truly the only religion I could see myself a part of because they never persecute a group of people.
You're so very welcome. Should you ever have questions, let me know!
I do agree with the process of merit, mostly for it inherently positive effects in our world , but less-so for the single minded goal of self-satisfaction. My seemingly life-long motivation has been driven by the challenge that “time is a false god to worship”. Whether we are challenged by too much (what to do “better” with the time we have) or too little (what to do “more” with the time we have). I am forever debating my own hedonic happiness (pleasure) versus eudaimonic happiness (meaning and purpose). Yet, when I force myself to climb down my ladder of anxiety, giving up the forced march of focus, it feels wantonly empty to waste whatever is left of the good time remaining. I have found one thing that resembles satisfaction within my own “field of merit”, and that is kindness extended without expectation of return… for me and from them. If you have heard the exclamation “Oh, for goodness sake … (add your name here) ”, as much as I did growing up, you may been surprised it wasn’t printed on your first identification card. Yes, I am the result of the Ecclesia Romana drum endlessly beaten to the rhythm of “it is better to give than receive”. This seems tattooed on my psychological foundation, to the extent that I prefer to do so anonymously (which requires some effort when doing so in person). It is not guilt or remorse driven from past unearned advantages. More likely origins of trauma, deprivation, and exclusion… I can excuse the context for such base feelings of inadequacy, but not the permission to continue when the culmination has been all the resources and capabilities to do more with what I have. The question is “why do we feel we must do more with the time we have when we want to do so naturally; intuitively”? Is it the motivation to do more good or is it to do more well? The empathetic expressions of our own embrace or persistent pursuit of perfection. Either seems extreme. In all fairness, I can and do manage such mind-numbing thoughts by telling myself to be “mindful” or just to “chill-out”, but it’s only now my time spent writing each day that assuages such thoughts to be meta-physically poured onto paper or screen. So, while I’m not sold that life is a bank of accumulated merits to be used a currency in some future marketplace of nihilistic nirvana … it is easier to bank in the merit in doing good simply for goodness sake.
Oh, for goodness sake!
Whose thumb’s on the scales of joy?
Done well, or for good?
Ironically, there were other essays on “happiness” in media this weekend. Both interesting and informative. First, there was a NPR program called “The Hidden Mind” which did a program they called “The Path to Contentment”. CBS Sunday Morning had a short segment they called “The Carousel of Happiness.” In both programs, the message seems to favor the search for giving versus getting, in that happiness is never a result, but witnessed within a process.
These sound interesting.
The Path to contentment, indeed. I just blinked and smiled at you with soft eyes.
I will absolutely have to check these out! Thanks for the tip. Also, a funny side note: I actually was filmed for an entire essay of CBS Sunday Morning, and then something major happened in the news world the weekend it was to air, and they shelved it. Still haven't seen it.
That’s wild! Please let us know if it ever is released.
Time is the falsest god of all to worship, yet it seems the one that more people choose than any other. We sell ours for such small returns, so often. I think the older I get, the more I start just aiming at good for goods sake and question less and less beyond that. If it is good, if it does good, do it and worry not about the rest. I've liked where it's been taking me following this thus far. I think I'll keep with it.
Firstly kindness matters the most! It's not always the easiest subject to speak on, but it is always an important subject. I have always tried to maintain PMA (positive mental attitude) with the world. This is also not easy, especially with the current state of things bc some days it's all just feels hopeless to do. However, I believe I can foster kindness and happiness in my little corner of this world and while it's not a big worldly change for the masses, maybe just maybe my kind acts and words will change the world for someone I interact with. If it's all about small acts and we each do our part, those little things will eventually add up to big things. Go forth and be kind ❤️
You're dead on the money. Kindness first, second, third. Last. To foster it in the corners we occupy is 99% of the battle, I've always believed. Thanks for agreeing.
You asked us to tell you about times that a small act of kindness changed our day. I think kindness is a way to approach the world, rather than a series of individual acts. This is easier said than done! I have learned that my first impressions are not necessarily good ones- I tend to be wary or simply judgemental. But I have also learned that I can choose to shift my perspective to a kinder one and have “soft eyes”- to try to have a greater understanding of that person and the possible motivation for their actions. This was particularly important when I was a teacher interacting with middle school age children. While many of my fellow ‘black and white’ staff members were quick to dismiss some kids as “bad”, I looked for the good in each of them, and this made all the difference to a few of them.
When among friends who are gossiping, I avoid (or try to) joining into wholehearted character bashing if this occurs, and try to offer up a different take on the person and their words/actions. Unfortunately, there can be a cost to this, that people perceive you as wishy-washy.
I was playing pickle ball with a large group of ladies in a a competitive game situation in which you move up to a higher court if you win. “Cindy” was an older woman and probably the least skilled player. She remained at court 1 throughout the entire two hours and you knew that if you ended up with her as your partner, you were most likely going to lose. When she would miss easy shots, etc., she never said anything- but you know as a player yourself that you feel bad for every gaffe. It can’t have been a good feeling. At first I thought, Ugh! Then I made myself think about how Cindy must be feeling, rather than about whether or not I was winning. As you wrote, “it is the intention behind the action so much more than the action itself, that truly transforms us.” I literally saw her differently when I shifted my perspective to one of kindness and compassion and I responded differently, being more encouraging and laughing it away. I realized that I like myself a lot better when I am kind.
Fully. Agree. It's a life path, not a day trip. Well said Laura, as per usual. I find, that whenever you speak up against gossip or shit-talking, most people then get annoyed and think of you always playing devil's advocate and trying to posture yourself as a do-gooder...but, it's worth it most of the time. There are far more than enough people willing to bash and tear people down, far too few of the opposite. Tip the scales, whatever the cost. :) I LOVE your Cindy story, and it's such a perfect illustration of every single thing I Tried to say. THank you.
I'm a kindness fanatic!! One way I show kindness is to say thank you, to people who are doing a service that makes my life easier/better, EVEN IF THEY GET PAID to do said service.
My mom taught me this one young and I've never stopped.
Janitor cleaning at school? Thank you! Person sorting my literal trash at the mall food court? THANK YOUUUUU. Teenage sales associate "helping" me even though I don't need help but their manager is watching and I want their life to be easier -- thank you so much, you lil cutie pie. Servers -- thank you!! Delivery people -- thanks for making my day by bringing me the package I've been waiting for!
Just because they are getting paid, doesn't mean it's easy, or even that they want to be doing that job. Also, no job makes us a better or worse person, in comparison to each other, although so many people believe their job and status makes them "above" gratitude. NO. We're all people, we're all equal, we're all just doing the damn thing to make the dollars to pay for our needs to be met, and maybe for some frivolity if we're lucky.
I word vomit "thank you" all over the place and it feels so good when people make eye contact and I can see they're surprised and then delighted that I am acknowledging their efforts.
Oh my goodness I couldn't possibly agree more. I too, do this. I too, love this. Thank You and I Love You are so under-said. So very under-said. :)
Working in retail customer service, [fitting room mostly], I get to practice kindness all day. I receive it as well, which is the icing on the cake. Not too sweet but just right.
I think I was born to this service. People often recommend that I find a less physically demanding job. But I disagree. To be of service in a very public and practical way, I feel, is an exquisite way to be in my calling.
I was once told by an acupuncturist/Buddhist practitioner that I was a Bodhisattva, and saying that, sometimes, those vows can be a bitch. He was right. It's not always easy to rein myself in after I have sworn at the driver in front of me. But I let it go really fast and apologise to both of us ... especially to myself.
Today, I am reminded of my late brother's birthday. I still hold anger at him for several things. Realising this this morning, I have made it my goal today to release that anger. To apologise to him and myself for the years I have held this malice and replace it with loving kindness. I'm on my way. I let go with every sigh as I think of him and lean into the love we had.
May all beings be free of suffering and find loving kindness.
I love that you view your work as an opportunity for kindness! I think most people in retail might not agree, and that makes it even more special, truly. And wow, what a compliment, BodhiGayle. I love it. May all things be free of suffering indeed. You're a rare gem.
Aw. Shucks. Thank you.