Introduce Yourself | 1.12.21
Who are you? When the chips are played, when the windows are down, when you scream out into this wide open place, who are you? Introduce yourself, to the world, to us, to the universe beyond us. What makes you, you? I’ve been thinking of this so much during this strange pandemic/lockdown/quarantine age, thinking how many people out there have had more time than ever before to ask questions like this, to look into mirrors and truly wonder.
Now, today, I want to know, and if I have to start on this small scale, that’s fine. Tell me who you are, what you’ve realized about yourself, what you’ve learned. I do believe we’re getting close to a point where we’re gonna roll the windows down, put our hands out on the breeze in some far-off place, and we’re going to be able to reintroduce ourselves to the world. We’ve earned it. Now, our job is to know exactly who we are when we finally shout. Who are you?
Roll the windows down
and scream out into the world.
Haiku on Life by Tyler Knott Gregson
Song of the Day
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Here's a bit of ramble. I am about to plagiarize myself and write down the words I've already written, but I've been mulling on this for a few days now. Perhaps the best answer to your question is that I am, on my best days, a comedy of errors. Here's a day in a life:
I tripped the alarm in Kiet's shop the other day. No surprise there - I never learned how to turn it off. I've been showing up for everyone else for years, at expense of showing up to so many parts of my life. It is a choice a made and it has given me so much purpose and joy. It is also a choice that was made so much easier by the fact that Kiet just goes with it and cares for me (and by extension for all the families he will never meet). But the other morning, I tried to call him back and he didn't answer. I figured he was welding or something, so didn't think about it more. An hour later, I tried calling again and there was still no answer. I texted: Are you ok? No answer. I stopped by the house and he wasn't there. And then, the "I worry all the time now" switch turned on and I was convinced he fell from a great height, welder in-hand, fractured ribs, broken back, traumatic brain injury. I called again. No answer. I told myself I was nuts, but just in case, I would stop by the shop and say hi, so I can go back to work in peace. He wasn't parked outside the shop. He's been working on a camper-build and I figured he's just moved the vehicle inside, so I used my key and walked through the office. All was quiet. I open the door to the shop - no Kiet and no truck. The alarm goes off. I just stand there and think: Well, f*&k. I know the security company will call him, but he's not answering. They call me. They are about to turn the alarm off, as I remember that he's meeting with a client (which he clearly told me, while I was thinking a million other things last night). The alarm goes quiet. Thank God. I'm clearly nuts. They need the passcode to leave it off. Of course, I have no idea - though it was told to me before. Now, they have to dispatch the police. I should just stay there and let them know it's all my fault and it's all good. But I don't. I decide to drive to his meeting, which I now remember entirely, and ask him to fix it. Because I know he will. He always does. I interrupt the meeting, like a clueless 40-some-year-old child. Kiet calls the company, calls off the cops, gets the alarm turned off, and then looks at me. He doesn't call me crazy (as he should), doesn't make fun of me (as most would), doesn't curse or shake his head. He just looks at me lovingly and says: Are you ok? The end.
I hope when this is all said and done, I too am someone remembered for such a reaction. Here's to all those caring for the irrational in us. And writing our names on the keys and coffee cups, so they can find their way back to us.
I am a writer of poems, mostly about surviving childhood trauma and the lasting affects of anxiety, depression, and CPTSD from those experiences. I am a teacher of high school English, but my favorite are my English Language Learners. They bring me so much joy. I am also the advisor for my school's GSA (Gender Sexuality Alliance) club. I guess I've made it part of my life's calling to try to make a place and a voice for the "outcasts" and "unwanteds." But that's often the only part of my life that makes any sense and makes me feel like I matter. I'm also someone very excited to get her second Tyler Knott Gregson tattoo in 18 more days!