Maybe We Begin Again | 1.1.21

Here at the start of all things new, here at the fresh beginning to a fresh year, a 1 at the end of the date, a decade’s infancy, we still face things we’ve faced before. Here, at the onset, we still find ourselves looking backwards, we see our vision tunneled and we focus on the wrong things, a camera with a faulty lens, we see only unworthiness. I may seem (maybe, I actually don’t know how the hell I seem) like someone who has it together most of the time, like a bloke that gets it, but the truth is, I don’t. Truth is, while I avoid my own reflection in the mirror like I’m vampire and afraid of seeing nothing at all, I mostly feel unworthiness in myself. I don’t feel like I’ve earned the happiness, the love, the tiny amount of success I have had. I don’t feel worthy of the family I was given, the trust from those I respect. I feel constantly that I have work to do, on myself, on my attitude, on my point of view on this place.

I’m here to tell you, there is so much wrong with this. So much broken. We, all of we, blind ourselves to the beautiful bits of ourselves, we forget to appreciate the way we were made, the people we were born to be. I don’t know why we do this, I don’t know why we see flaws instead of things to be proud of, I don’t know why we focus on the work, rather than celebrate the work we’ve already done, but we do. Perhaps it’s time, now at the beginning of a new year, to fix this. Maybe this is the year we swap this, we focus on all we’ve gotten right, rather than all we’ve screwed up. Maybe we tell ourselves we’re worthy, and damn the rest. Maybe we begin, right now.

If you do, I will. If you don’t, I will anyway. Join me.

It's unworthiness

that we see and focus on.

We are blind to truth.

Haiku on Life by Tyler Knott Gregson

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