I used to be a rescuer until I realised that I was fixing something in others that I needed to fix in myself.So I decided to give myself a bit more time and figure out what was motivating me to be a rescuer which took me to the root of it all.The core of me.Looking at myself full on was probably the hardest part.Finding that I wasn't keen on the person I was,even harder.Somehow I found that giving myself a little more respect stopped the cyclical behaviour patterns and enabled me to be more measured and discerning in my interactions with others.There were alot of tears.A strange kind of bereft grief and loss at first at how i was perpetuating the negative voice inside.I was suprised at how loud I'd let it get too.Feeding it almost, based on my seeking out of certain relationships.However, discovering that others hide laid bare fake friendships or alliances that were preventing growth.On both parts.I learnt alot about what motivates both me and others and found it easier to see others more clearly-to a pinpoint.I still like to help others.Alot.But now it's from a position of strength and experience and not from a state of incompleteness I think.If that makes any sense!
Thank you Tyler and Sarah for introducing this concept! I've met many people who live in the victim section of the triangle and personally it's so hard to watch. It feels like nothing positive you say gets received. They tend to be those vacuum people we talked about a while back. As far as for me I definitely play the rescuer the most but it's something I'm working on, day by day.
I am a recovering rescuer. I am the oldest of 4 children, as of last year both our parents are gone now. I am also a Mom & Nonna, so the rescue thing is even more intense when it's your kids and grandbabies. At the end of last year, I had to make an extremely difficult and painful decision to remove myself from that role and I did so by moving to a whole other state to get some distance and focus on my own healing.
It wasn't and hasn't been easy, but I am doing it. And I am learning that healing isn't some place you arrive to, it comes in pockets and co-exists with grief and heartbreak. You have to let the people you love walk their path and while you can journey alongside them in an ethereal sense, you can't fix, warn, or stop whatever is going to happen. All you can do is love them.
I definitely have a rescuer tendency. I used to be more of a persecutor when I was younger, but thankfully I've had 20+ years of therapy to break me out of that. I'm getting better at knowing my limits and knowing when it's time to stop trying to pour from an empty cup though. Helping people is one thing, but you have to be able to help yourself first.
I used to be a rescuer until I realised that I was fixing something in others that I needed to fix in myself.So I decided to give myself a bit more time and figure out what was motivating me to be a rescuer which took me to the root of it all.The core of me.Looking at myself full on was probably the hardest part.Finding that I wasn't keen on the person I was,even harder.Somehow I found that giving myself a little more respect stopped the cyclical behaviour patterns and enabled me to be more measured and discerning in my interactions with others.There were alot of tears.A strange kind of bereft grief and loss at first at how i was perpetuating the negative voice inside.I was suprised at how loud I'd let it get too.Feeding it almost, based on my seeking out of certain relationships.However, discovering that others hide laid bare fake friendships or alliances that were preventing growth.On both parts.I learnt alot about what motivates both me and others and found it easier to see others more clearly-to a pinpoint.I still like to help others.Alot.But now it's from a position of strength and experience and not from a state of incompleteness I think.If that makes any sense!
Thank you Tyler and Sarah for introducing this concept! I've met many people who live in the victim section of the triangle and personally it's so hard to watch. It feels like nothing positive you say gets received. They tend to be those vacuum people we talked about a while back. As far as for me I definitely play the rescuer the most but it's something I'm working on, day by day.
I am a recovering rescuer. I am the oldest of 4 children, as of last year both our parents are gone now. I am also a Mom & Nonna, so the rescue thing is even more intense when it's your kids and grandbabies. At the end of last year, I had to make an extremely difficult and painful decision to remove myself from that role and I did so by moving to a whole other state to get some distance and focus on my own healing.
It wasn't and hasn't been easy, but I am doing it. And I am learning that healing isn't some place you arrive to, it comes in pockets and co-exists with grief and heartbreak. You have to let the people you love walk their path and while you can journey alongside them in an ethereal sense, you can't fix, warn, or stop whatever is going to happen. All you can do is love them.
I definitely have a rescuer tendency. I used to be more of a persecutor when I was younger, but thankfully I've had 20+ years of therapy to break me out of that. I'm getting better at knowing my limits and knowing when it's time to stop trying to pour from an empty cup though. Helping people is one thing, but you have to be able to help yourself first.