I am an intense perfectionist and the fear of failure has kept me from attempting so many things. I've been intentionally working to get past those feelings and this post hit me at the perfect time. I pick a word of the year each year (really the word picks me) and my 2026 word is Expansive.
As you said, the small steps matter. Yesterday I pulled out a beautiful handstitched tablecloth that I have never been brave enough to put out and thought "why am I not enjoying this today?". Now that tablecloth, that some unknown craftsperson spent countless hours on, is out on display and has already brought me so much joy. It is also prompting the question: "what joy can we expand into next?".
My takeaway this far is: use the nice glassware, wear the expensive sweater, expand into life! Today it's a tablecloth, tomorrow it could be a much bigger leap.
Yes, use the dishes! My parents are turning 93 and 88 and celebrating their 69th wedding anniversary tomorrow but have all kinds of dishes, silverware etc. that they never use!! My siblings and I don’t want them. What are they waiting for?!
It's so funny how often posts come at the perfect time for us, I always marvel at the universe when this happens. Expansive is a magical word, and I cannot wait to see where it takes you. I love the micro steps towards it, from a tablecloth to the things we own. We must use them. As my Dad always says "I never say a hearse pulling a uHaul."
This made me think of a few different ideas. It’s hard when you’re in the middle of working and raising kids to find the energy to do anything else, to even think about finding the time to pursue a dream, yet if you wait to long, it may pass you by. At a certain point, I reconciled myself to the ‘fact’ that the dreams of my youth were not possible and were no longer what I would choose to pursue. This might sound sad but I think it’s just part of being in different phases of your life. For example, I am never going to run a marathon or even a half marathon- I suppose, at 58, I could if I really wanted to but it would be inadvisable. But then I think, was there ever really a burning desire to do that? If there was, I think I would have. At this point in my life, I try to say yes to experiences that come along that I would have said no to previously. Last fall, I drove 9 hours to participate in a 2 week training program to be a therapeutic clown - primarily delivered in French- of which I have only a basic understanding. It was a challenge in so any ways. It was just something I wanted to do. Fear always made me say no. Now I think, why not?
Why not indeed?! As Hafiz once said "Fear is the cheapest room in the house." :) We must clean it out and refuse to dwell in it. Run your races, do your best, live your life. :)
Well, my goodness this is an excellent read!! My "someday, my dream, my wanting adventure " came true for me this past year and I will never ever regret breaking the wall so to speak. Although I agree with you almost completely, I was finally able to complete my journey " when the time felt right". Planning, reality, life , the not this year moments were real and it took me 15 years to finally take the step.
The reality of this is we all face life with all the wonderful things, but also with the realities, the commitments, the loyalties, the love, the responsibilities that do block the path.... of course I waited knowing that my dream could once again be challenged by "life".
For me though, it was the Planning, the reading, the map studying the research that kept my vision alive.... had I died before completion.... simply didn't enter my mind!
One of the greatest things I learned from my journey is to plan small "wants" along the way to keep you wanting more ! If you can make the larger ones happen, do it!!! You will never regret it
So well said Marmalade. Watching you, helping you, witnessing your journey meant as much for US as it did for You, I can promise you that. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here.
Great essay Obi-wan! The magic of “leaping” is that it adds to the excitement of life, as long as that is not a physical leap into unsafe waters. I don’t think I have been fully prepared for one day in my life. What I did eventually learn was that waiting to make decisions (until all the facts were in) did not always make the best decisions. If you waited long enough, you were never leading, but always following the pack. My mid-life awakening was not on my inability to prepare. It was on my unwillingness to make decisions. They are probably both in the same part of the spectrum of life’s shade of beige. I learned to start trusting my “gut” ( aka “life experience”) and make decisions based on not only what I knew, but what I sensed to be the right thing to do. That revelation on giving intuition equal weight to information streamlined much of the second half of my career and (more importantly) improved my relationships and overall mental health. Trust in self over fear of failure. I think Mark Twain characterized why some get better at decisions as we age… “Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.” ―Mark Twain
I really appreciate this insight and distinction. I think too often we convince ourselves those dangerous waters are worth jumping into anyway, and they just never are...be they places, things, or most often I think, people. I've lived my entire life trusting ONLY my gut, and I'm proud of where it's taken me.
I've made the decision to come off a couple of my meds ... baby steps, as one I was addicted to and the other dependent upon. As they creep out of my system I feel clearer headed and have a motivation I had forgotten about. I feel as if I can put it to good use even during the long withdrawal process [not pretty and a mental as well as physical challenge.] But, what will be the next step? To renew my passport. Because one never knows when one will go to England next.
Thank you for reminding me not to let fear steer the wheel [cue Incubus' Drive] ..." what ever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, with open arms and open eyes ..." Thank you for yet another inspiration.
Wow Gayle, what a huge step and one I hope treats you so kindly and opens new doors to yourself. It's unbelievable what a clear mind can do, what it can see, what it can now believe. Please renew that passport, please book that trip.
Thanks for this!! Beautiful reminder. I recently put m website out on linkedin which was so hard! Since a career setback two years ago I have built a small business but have also been hiding. This is a great reminder to put myself back out there!
“Get busy living or get busy dying”…. We know what that’s from… 🎥
Do you think that when we would play !actual games! when we were kids and would scream “Ready or Not” that we were subliminally being set up for adulthood? 🤨😆
I love that quote so much and it's always great to be reminded of this. I feel like I've taken a fair amount of leaps in the last few years, and wow has my life been transforming in ways I couldn't have imagined. I've always been the kind of person to go for things though. I'd rather fail and make mistakes and get back up again than always wonder what could've been. I do sometimes feel held back financially, but I've been trying to say yes to more things anyway. There is a balance, but also I don't want to look back and wish I'd done a bunch of things. Even if money is coming and going and sometimes uncertain, I want to have as many experiences as I can.
I LOVE that you've been leaping. I love it so much. I'm like you, I'd always rather try and fail. Always. And for money coming and going, we feel that SO strongly here. Mostly going, mostly not coming. I cannot figure out why people are jumping ship here, and it's hurting me a lot.
Aww I’m sorry! You’ve got my money always. You could raise the price and I’d still pay it. Your work is so important. Thank you for continuing to give us this magical space, even when it’s hard ❤️
A friend and his wife. I didn't feel the need to mention names.
I am an intense perfectionist and the fear of failure has kept me from attempting so many things. I've been intentionally working to get past those feelings and this post hit me at the perfect time. I pick a word of the year each year (really the word picks me) and my 2026 word is Expansive.
As you said, the small steps matter. Yesterday I pulled out a beautiful handstitched tablecloth that I have never been brave enough to put out and thought "why am I not enjoying this today?". Now that tablecloth, that some unknown craftsperson spent countless hours on, is out on display and has already brought me so much joy. It is also prompting the question: "what joy can we expand into next?".
My takeaway this far is: use the nice glassware, wear the expensive sweater, expand into life! Today it's a tablecloth, tomorrow it could be a much bigger leap.
Yes, use the dishes! My parents are turning 93 and 88 and celebrating their 69th wedding anniversary tomorrow but have all kinds of dishes, silverware etc. that they never use!! My siblings and I don’t want them. What are they waiting for?!
... "what joy can we expand into next?"
Indeed ...
It's so funny how often posts come at the perfect time for us, I always marvel at the universe when this happens. Expansive is a magical word, and I cannot wait to see where it takes you. I love the micro steps towards it, from a tablecloth to the things we own. We must use them. As my Dad always says "I never say a hearse pulling a uHaul."
I will wear the expensive sweater today! =))
YES! ANd do fun stuff in it. We cannot protect our "things" so feverishly any longer!
This made me think of a few different ideas. It’s hard when you’re in the middle of working and raising kids to find the energy to do anything else, to even think about finding the time to pursue a dream, yet if you wait to long, it may pass you by. At a certain point, I reconciled myself to the ‘fact’ that the dreams of my youth were not possible and were no longer what I would choose to pursue. This might sound sad but I think it’s just part of being in different phases of your life. For example, I am never going to run a marathon or even a half marathon- I suppose, at 58, I could if I really wanted to but it would be inadvisable. But then I think, was there ever really a burning desire to do that? If there was, I think I would have. At this point in my life, I try to say yes to experiences that come along that I would have said no to previously. Last fall, I drove 9 hours to participate in a 2 week training program to be a therapeutic clown - primarily delivered in French- of which I have only a basic understanding. It was a challenge in so any ways. It was just something I wanted to do. Fear always made me say no. Now I think, why not?
Do your races , no one says you have to run! Walk!!!
Why not indeed?! As Hafiz once said "Fear is the cheapest room in the house." :) We must clean it out and refuse to dwell in it. Run your races, do your best, live your life. :)
Well, my goodness this is an excellent read!! My "someday, my dream, my wanting adventure " came true for me this past year and I will never ever regret breaking the wall so to speak. Although I agree with you almost completely, I was finally able to complete my journey " when the time felt right". Planning, reality, life , the not this year moments were real and it took me 15 years to finally take the step.
The reality of this is we all face life with all the wonderful things, but also with the realities, the commitments, the loyalties, the love, the responsibilities that do block the path.... of course I waited knowing that my dream could once again be challenged by "life".
For me though, it was the Planning, the reading, the map studying the research that kept my vision alive.... had I died before completion.... simply didn't enter my mind!
One of the greatest things I learned from my journey is to plan small "wants" along the way to keep you wanting more ! If you can make the larger ones happen, do it!!! You will never regret it
So well said Marmalade. Watching you, helping you, witnessing your journey meant as much for US as it did for You, I can promise you that. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here.
Great essay Obi-wan! The magic of “leaping” is that it adds to the excitement of life, as long as that is not a physical leap into unsafe waters. I don’t think I have been fully prepared for one day in my life. What I did eventually learn was that waiting to make decisions (until all the facts were in) did not always make the best decisions. If you waited long enough, you were never leading, but always following the pack. My mid-life awakening was not on my inability to prepare. It was on my unwillingness to make decisions. They are probably both in the same part of the spectrum of life’s shade of beige. I learned to start trusting my “gut” ( aka “life experience”) and make decisions based on not only what I knew, but what I sensed to be the right thing to do. That revelation on giving intuition equal weight to information streamlined much of the second half of my career and (more importantly) improved my relationships and overall mental health. Trust in self over fear of failure. I think Mark Twain characterized why some get better at decisions as we age… “Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.” ―Mark Twain
“Do not fear the fall when it is the leaping that will set you free.” Typewriter poem #73
Man, that sounds weirdly wise. ;)
I really appreciate this insight and distinction. I think too often we convince ourselves those dangerous waters are worth jumping into anyway, and they just never are...be they places, things, or most often I think, people. I've lived my entire life trusting ONLY my gut, and I'm proud of where it's taken me.
I've made the decision to come off a couple of my meds ... baby steps, as one I was addicted to and the other dependent upon. As they creep out of my system I feel clearer headed and have a motivation I had forgotten about. I feel as if I can put it to good use even during the long withdrawal process [not pretty and a mental as well as physical challenge.] But, what will be the next step? To renew my passport. Because one never knows when one will go to England next.
Thank you for reminding me not to let fear steer the wheel [cue Incubus' Drive] ..." what ever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, with open arms and open eyes ..." Thank you for yet another inspiration.
Wow Gayle, what a huge step and one I hope treats you so kindly and opens new doors to yourself. It's unbelievable what a clear mind can do, what it can see, what it can now believe. Please renew that passport, please book that trip.
That Wallflower reference? Always.
Thanks for this!! Beautiful reminder. I recently put m website out on linkedin which was so hard! Since a career setback two years ago I have built a small business but have also been hiding. This is a great reminder to put myself back out there!
I'm so glad you found it. Put yourself out there, we'll help!!
I appreciate that so much! Your writing and art has been so helpful through this past year.
Well I'll always be here!
“Get busy living or get busy dying”…. We know what that’s from… 🎥
Do you think that when we would play !actual games! when we were kids and would scream “Ready or Not” that we were subliminally being set up for adulthood? 🤨😆
Ooooh, what an insight! READY OR NOT HERE I COME! Man I miss that.
I love that quote so much and it's always great to be reminded of this. I feel like I've taken a fair amount of leaps in the last few years, and wow has my life been transforming in ways I couldn't have imagined. I've always been the kind of person to go for things though. I'd rather fail and make mistakes and get back up again than always wonder what could've been. I do sometimes feel held back financially, but I've been trying to say yes to more things anyway. There is a balance, but also I don't want to look back and wish I'd done a bunch of things. Even if money is coming and going and sometimes uncertain, I want to have as many experiences as I can.
I LOVE that you've been leaping. I love it so much. I'm like you, I'd always rather try and fail. Always. And for money coming and going, we feel that SO strongly here. Mostly going, mostly not coming. I cannot figure out why people are jumping ship here, and it's hurting me a lot.
Aww I’m sorry! You’ve got my money always. You could raise the price and I’d still pay it. Your work is so important. Thank you for continuing to give us this magical space, even when it’s hard ❤️