Who We Once Were | 12.15.20

Sometime after we graduate high school, college, and wander out into the ‘real world,’ our capacity for happiness, for curiosity, for wonder, diminishes. I have theories as to why this is, I have theories about cults of busy-ness, about the endless treadmill of materialism, but those are for another day. The point is not the why it happens, the point is that it happens. The point is, it doesn’t have to, and we can do something about it. This season, this holiday season, for me has always been one of magic in my family. I was blessed with a set of parents that made Christmas the one holiday each year where anything was possible, one of mystery and ritual, of tradition and warmth. To this day, I carry that feeling with me through this entire time, starting about today and extending until the day after Christmas morning. I see lights in the darkness, so much darkness in Montana this time of year, and instantly I am thrown back to the boy that would run in place in his sheets to try to tire himself out on Christmas Eve, the kid who would start hiding gifts he’d purchased for people under his bed December 1st.

It’s ok to be this way, the world doesn’t have to make you hard. It’s ok to allow yourself to feel that magic, to be a person who helps others feel it. See those lights, see the memory of who you were, and be it again. Make the list, check it twice. You’re still them.

Lights in the darkness,

like warmth and some memory

of who we once were.

Haiku on Life by Tyler Knott Gregson

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