How Long Should It Stay?!
I don’t really have a question or need advice, but I could use some hugs. Do you have any of those?
I’m so excited for this!
How should I feel… my own mother was one of the people I “semi-blocked” from my life years ago for her actions towards others. I blocked her on social media and told her our relationship was more than her just following what was going on in our lives via that method. In 10 years, we’d seen her twice (well 3 times now). Once shortly after returning home from rehab (9 years ago), after my son’s father became a quadriplegic and then at a Thanksgiving dinner my amazing Aunt had, now 7 years ago, to try to bring the family together… My son’s father passed away in June, just after fulfilling his 9 yearlong dying wish, to see his son graduate high school and become a grown man by turning 18. He lived until week after graduation and one day after his son’s birthday. My son asked for years why we never get to see his grandma. Well, “because her house is very inaccessible” and she “can’t (be bothered to) drive the hour and a half to come here”. Then, she does come to the funeral, gets a ride with my sister and her husband, another blocked family member, who reeks of alcoholism and interrupts the service coming in late. After the graveside, my mother breaks in the greeting line to hug me and my son and tells us she loves us and that we should be able to come see her now, but she has to rush off early since her “ride” is ready to go and they have a long drive home – an hour and a half and it was only noonish. No big deal, really and truly. Typical… and frankly it was just awkward after not having seen her in 7 years.
Yesterday, I found out that they didn’t go home. Instead, they went to our longtime favorite brew pub and had dinner and drinks and hung out with the rest of my blocked family while they were all in town. The brew pub was one of the only restaurants my son’s father felt comfortable going to in his wheelchair. The owners are our friends, having even brought us Thanksgiving dinner at home when we first came home from rehab. They were one of the first people I called personally after his death before the public found out. Like that was our “spot” where we went weekly for trivia and bingo, and it took my son and I two months to even face going again because I knew it would be upsetting for both us and the staff who we’d known for over 10 years. No one there knew my family, but my family knew good and well it was our favorite spot.
I am very glad we didn’t happen to go there after the service (the brewpub owners stayed at the service longer and gave better hugs) and instead in secret came back to the house with only our closest friends, the ones who are more family than my own blood and enjoyed laughing over pizza and beers and reminiscing the good times.
I’m hurt and angry and so very tired of the lies. I’ve maintained birthdays, holidays, sending cards and gifts, but that’s it. Text communication is all we have ever so often for a holiday or birthday. Should I even say anything? I want to have my say, but I also admit I’m angry right now and feel like I should just let it slide and put it behind me like I always do. But it sure did sting to find out they rushed off like that just to go out.
I just know I have nothing nice to say and I don’t think anything I say will even matter … I talk to my son about pretty much everything, but I haven’t told him yet because I know how hurtful it will be.
What should I do? Go ahead and just burn what remains of that very already burnt bridge? Or just let it go...
ooh I have one -- With my Master's degree starting in January (aside: omg what.) I am going to have less financial freedom (and less time!). What recommendations/ideas do you have for someone who is chaotically busy on how to balance out that need for self-care and rejuvenation that don't cost $$?
What are your best tricks for managing pain? Ice? Rest? Some quirky herbal remedy? A magic spell?
I'm inspired by you. Thank you for sharing your gifts. That's all
Okay I have a spicy one for you! How can I get over the internal cringe I feel when I try to talk dirty during sexy fun times? My partner and I have have been together for 10 years, but I still have this fear that I just sound idiotic when I try to sound sexy. It's like even though I know he'd never make fun of me, the fear of rejection is paralyzing.
Dear Worry Knott,
I am writing in hopes you can advise me on a moral conundrum I am currently facing. I broke up with my partner of 10 years a year and a half ago after finding out he had been cheating on me for probably the whole time we were together. Upon finding out, I cut him out of my life completely and blocked him from all my social media, email, chats, etc. However he keeps making donations to my NGO and I kind of hate it. But I also kind of need the money. Part of me wants to write him and tell him to stop it and that he has lost the privilege of being a part of what we do and return his funds. But I also have a lot of mouths to feed. I probably haven't processed all of my anger/sadness/bitterness. Its probably because I just ghosted him, leaving myself without healthy closure... But I really have nothing to say to a person who I clearly did not know at all and isn't worth a second or ounce more of my energy. So please let me know what you think!
A Bucks-a-Buck VS The Buck Stops Here
Thank you all. I took a long run through the woods and released some tears. Then the next day took myself out for brunch and then walked and talked with some friends I haven’t seen in awhile, one of which is battling aggressive cancer. I’ve just let it go. I’ll go on with my self made family of friends. It’s the soul connections I have with my chosen ones who I care about that really matter in life and I shouldn’t let that other mess consume me.
Thank you all!