I’m breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth while digesting this, how divinely timed it is, how righteous and rad, and how glad I am to know it. Most of all, thank you for building this world so I have the opportunity to share that I’ve been angry for a long while now. I’m mad at my current situation, I’m angry at the man who led me into it and I’m pissed at myself for staying in it.
Change is coming.
I learn a lot from my kids, so in other news:
This week a thief broke into our nondescript duct-taped minivan and stole my eleven year-old son’s old 6+iPhone. He had slipped it up on the dashboard before I could notice it. It wasn’t hooked up to a service provider, but it was important to him. He worked and saved his own money to buy it used so he could play games with long distance friends via Wi-Fi. When we returned to the car and found out what happened, he showed little to no emotion. He was shocked, denied it was gone, then simply blank. It wasn’t until he asked if he would have to pay for another phone and I mentioned, “now you know never to leave anything beh—“
-—MOM DONT MAKE THIS INTO A LESSON!”
He burst into tears. It has already been 20 minutes of searching around to see if the thief threw the phone in the bushes, or dropped it on a sidewalk once they noticed it was old and cracked. I took Adam inside, past his siblings straight and behind closed doors.
“You can be as mad as you need to be. It’s wrong what happened to you. It’s not your fault. It’s the person who chose to broke in who was looking for an easy catch. I’m just trying to make sure that never happens to you again. Now, get mad. Here, now, you can swear as much as you want.”
We never curse in our house. Not parents, not kids.
Adam eyes went wide and he smiled from ear to ear. He balled a fist like he was getting ready to throw a no hitter. And ran with it.
He knows Alllllll the swear words.
He paced back and forth a few times, cursing like he had practiced the lines his whole life. A minute went by, he smiled, took a long slow breath, gave me a big hug, and left the room to go tell his siblings what happened.
My kids didn’t go to sleep until midnight last night, trying to get the most out of our last weekend of summer. School starts on Wednesday. I need to take several courses in parenting. These new teenage models are fascinating. Thank you for the encouragement. May your heart be so filled!
Megan! THIS THIS THIS. He let go. He forgave. Goodness this is stunning, and you're amazing, and I just say THANK YOU for this lesson you shared with him, and now with us. Wonderful.
Thank you for taking time to encourage us all. We are all just trying to make new parenting mistakes instead of repeating the old tried and true trauma traditions.
I must update this story of woe. After cursing the void, and then forgiving and praying for the unknown assailant...
Monday we got a call from the office where our car was parked when the phone was taken. A weekend custodian found the lost phone, and turned it in knowing it must be a child’s phone.
I took Adam back without telling him why, he only started guessing when I pulled into the lot. He was overcome with gratitude, hugged the staff multiple times. “Mom, I was so angry. But no one stole it. I left it.”-—“and it was someone else who brought it back”
Oh my gosh, that driving is such a pet peeve with me. It's a good thing they can't hear me when they do stupid shit. I have a bumper sticker that says "Back Off. My other car is a broom."
I lost my cool with my dog yesterday, at about 4 am. We are very rural and he always wants to go out to pee at 4 am, I have no idea why but it's always exactly that time. Well out here, there are lots of wild things rummaging around at that time. Yesterday it was a bear, yup a bear on the tree line just behind my place. Maybe about 50 or 60 feet away, thankfully at that point oblivious to us, eating berries. He had his back to me but Griffin, the dog, decided it was time to leisurely saunter around and pee about every 3 steps. I was so annoyed and a bit scared that the bear would turn around to get us. Griffin does his Stand which is brakes on, all four straight out refusing to move and I am literally dragging him by his harness to the house. I have to admit I sounded like a longshoreman. First of all 4 am sucks, second - obstinacy now really? third, HOLY SHIT IT IS A GODDAM BEAR DUMMY.
The Bear was probably just shaking his head, thinking what the hell is wrong with that human?
I was spitting mad by the time we were inside. No Bueno. Then of course I felt guilty but it was a release of anger AND fear, so whew. Glad that was out of my system.
I'm sure you can relate to the whole BEAR issue where you live. I'm still getting used to the whole Animal Kingdom thing here. Maui has nothing but beautiful birds, a few tiny deer on the mountains, the elusive wild boar and I suppose a few rats somewhere along with feral cats.
I can tell how stressed out I am from work by how I react to the other drivers on the road while on my way home from work [retail. some customers. I say no more.] Especially the ones who honk or tailgate me when I go the speed limit through the school zone. Stressed? My anger is uncontained. But I always let it go and actually apologize to the other driver … they must be stressed out too. But I stand my ground until we pass the blinking speed limit light. The police mean business in that zone!
Anger is definitely a regular emotion for me 😬 But...I also seek peace. I don't like to remain angry. I'm the type of person that wants to let it out, be direct, let someone know right away if I'm angry...then I want the situation to be resolved. Expression has always been my thing. Don't even think I'm capable of repressing anger 😂 I totally agree that it's good to let ourselves feel our anger and release it in mindful ways. And it can totally lead to other good emotions. 100%.
(And my god, I can lose my freaking mind over someone who DOESN'T USE THEIR BLINKER. You are not alone in getting mad at idiot drivers!)
🤣 Tyler, you could have been describing my response to poor driving! We're apparently kindred spirits in this regard, as I find drivers are a reflection of the general "me first" attitude that seems to have upended us culturally. I cannot get behind the wheel of a car without a near-constant commentary on all the ways drivers act like they are the only people on the road. Now, this is really one of the only places in my life I do get angry regularly and knowing this about myself, I decided to take the driving out of the equation when I sold my car and moved to New York City 16 months ago. My life is naturally more Zen and my son, who is so empathetically sensitive and loathed riding with me while I was "driving angry" (I used to explain that I wasn't driving angry; I was in a constant state of anger venting, so I didn't drive angry...a distinction he didn't see any difference in 🙃), is happier too. Win-win. And to all the drivers out there who think they own the road, shame on you! 😉
I'm gonna pretend you wrote "hand off the wheel", TKG. Because I prefer if there's at least one on the steering wheel if a vehicle is in motion.
Stay safe out there. It's a jungle.
:) I wait for the stop signs or red lights for the two hands off the wheel ;)
I’m breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth while digesting this, how divinely timed it is, how righteous and rad, and how glad I am to know it. Most of all, thank you for building this world so I have the opportunity to share that I’ve been angry for a long while now. I’m mad at my current situation, I’m angry at the man who led me into it and I’m pissed at myself for staying in it.
Change is coming.
I learn a lot from my kids, so in other news:
This week a thief broke into our nondescript duct-taped minivan and stole my eleven year-old son’s old 6+iPhone. He had slipped it up on the dashboard before I could notice it. It wasn’t hooked up to a service provider, but it was important to him. He worked and saved his own money to buy it used so he could play games with long distance friends via Wi-Fi. When we returned to the car and found out what happened, he showed little to no emotion. He was shocked, denied it was gone, then simply blank. It wasn’t until he asked if he would have to pay for another phone and I mentioned, “now you know never to leave anything beh—“
-—MOM DONT MAKE THIS INTO A LESSON!”
He burst into tears. It has already been 20 minutes of searching around to see if the thief threw the phone in the bushes, or dropped it on a sidewalk once they noticed it was old and cracked. I took Adam inside, past his siblings straight and behind closed doors.
“You can be as mad as you need to be. It’s wrong what happened to you. It’s not your fault. It’s the person who chose to broke in who was looking for an easy catch. I’m just trying to make sure that never happens to you again. Now, get mad. Here, now, you can swear as much as you want.”
We never curse in our house. Not parents, not kids.
Adam eyes went wide and he smiled from ear to ear. He balled a fist like he was getting ready to throw a no hitter. And ran with it.
He knows Alllllll the swear words.
He paced back and forth a few times, cursing like he had practiced the lines his whole life. A minute went by, he smiled, took a long slow breath, gave me a big hug, and left the room to go tell his siblings what happened.
He let go. He forgave.
You taught him such a good lesson- not the one he was expecting. A++ on Parenting 101.
My kids didn’t go to sleep until midnight last night, trying to get the most out of our last weekend of summer. School starts on Wednesday. I need to take several courses in parenting. These new teenage models are fascinating. Thank you for the encouragement. May your heart be so filled!
Megan! THIS THIS THIS. He let go. He forgave. Goodness this is stunning, and you're amazing, and I just say THANK YOU for this lesson you shared with him, and now with us. Wonderful.
Thank you for taking time to encourage us all. We are all just trying to make new parenting mistakes instead of repeating the old tried and true trauma traditions.
I must update this story of woe. After cursing the void, and then forgiving and praying for the unknown assailant...
Monday we got a call from the office where our car was parked when the phone was taken. A weekend custodian found the lost phone, and turned it in knowing it must be a child’s phone.
I took Adam back without telling him why, he only started guessing when I pulled into the lot. He was overcome with gratitude, hugged the staff multiple times. “Mom, I was so angry. But no one stole it. I left it.”-—“and it was someone else who brought it back”
Oh my gosh, that driving is such a pet peeve with me. It's a good thing they can't hear me when they do stupid shit. I have a bumper sticker that says "Back Off. My other car is a broom."
I lost my cool with my dog yesterday, at about 4 am. We are very rural and he always wants to go out to pee at 4 am, I have no idea why but it's always exactly that time. Well out here, there are lots of wild things rummaging around at that time. Yesterday it was a bear, yup a bear on the tree line just behind my place. Maybe about 50 or 60 feet away, thankfully at that point oblivious to us, eating berries. He had his back to me but Griffin, the dog, decided it was time to leisurely saunter around and pee about every 3 steps. I was so annoyed and a bit scared that the bear would turn around to get us. Griffin does his Stand which is brakes on, all four straight out refusing to move and I am literally dragging him by his harness to the house. I have to admit I sounded like a longshoreman. First of all 4 am sucks, second - obstinacy now really? third, HOLY SHIT IT IS A GODDAM BEAR DUMMY.
The Bear was probably just shaking his head, thinking what the hell is wrong with that human?
I was spitting mad by the time we were inside. No Bueno. Then of course I felt guilty but it was a release of anger AND fear, so whew. Glad that was out of my system.
Oooh I need that sticker! As for the bear, if there's EVER A TIME to let your anger out and let it flourish, this is it. This is SO very it.
I'm sure you can relate to the whole BEAR issue where you live. I'm still getting used to the whole Animal Kingdom thing here. Maui has nothing but beautiful birds, a few tiny deer on the mountains, the elusive wild boar and I suppose a few rats somewhere along with feral cats.
I can tell how stressed out I am from work by how I react to the other drivers on the road while on my way home from work [retail. some customers. I say no more.] Especially the ones who honk or tailgate me when I go the speed limit through the school zone. Stressed? My anger is uncontained. But I always let it go and actually apologize to the other driver … they must be stressed out too. But I stand my ground until we pass the blinking speed limit light. The police mean business in that zone!
:) Never let anger go in front of a cop. Old old wisdom that we all need to remember ;)
Anger is definitely a regular emotion for me 😬 But...I also seek peace. I don't like to remain angry. I'm the type of person that wants to let it out, be direct, let someone know right away if I'm angry...then I want the situation to be resolved. Expression has always been my thing. Don't even think I'm capable of repressing anger 😂 I totally agree that it's good to let ourselves feel our anger and release it in mindful ways. And it can totally lead to other good emotions. 100%.
(And my god, I can lose my freaking mind over someone who DOESN'T USE THEIR BLINKER. You are not alone in getting mad at idiot drivers!)
You and I share this, in so many ways. ANger held is just a festering wound that never heals. You're amazing. And yes, NO BLINKER PEOPLE ARE AWFUL.
🤣 Tyler, you could have been describing my response to poor driving! We're apparently kindred spirits in this regard, as I find drivers are a reflection of the general "me first" attitude that seems to have upended us culturally. I cannot get behind the wheel of a car without a near-constant commentary on all the ways drivers act like they are the only people on the road. Now, this is really one of the only places in my life I do get angry regularly and knowing this about myself, I decided to take the driving out of the equation when I sold my car and moved to New York City 16 months ago. My life is naturally more Zen and my son, who is so empathetically sensitive and loathed riding with me while I was "driving angry" (I used to explain that I wasn't driving angry; I was in a constant state of anger venting, so I didn't drive angry...a distinction he didn't see any difference in 🙃), is happier too. Win-win. And to all the drivers out there who think they own the road, shame on you! 😉