My mom once told me of you wait for someone to ask, you won’t get the opportunity to forgive most of the time. An opportunity, because grace and forgiveness is first and foremost for the one trapped in their pain, secondly for the ones inflicting it.
As my mom lay in a sun soaked piano parlor, quickly, shockingly transitioning toward the heaven she spent her life guiding others toward, most remember her quickness to forgive:
“Vicky forgave the moment she was offended. No one needed to explain or ask. Her heart was already washed and wishing another well.”
Mom has thousands of people reaching out, hundreds hoping to visit, more than fifty offering to take shifts during a shocking diagnosis and decision to keep her home for these last weeks.
And because we shared her with the world then, we are keeping her to ourselves for the most part now.
What I scorned once, saying goodbye as she left to travel the world, I pray I can be half of what she is as she prepares one last time to leave as I realize, there was never anything to forgive in the first place. “Love connects us across space, it doesn’t matter how far we are away” she used to say. Yesterday, she said “Love can connect us across time, it’s eternal.”
Tyler, This is beautiful and piercingly true. Waiting for an apology really is like demanding the past rewrite itself. Your imagery of the scab reminds us that the expectation of correction, retribution, or compensation can hurt deeply—and last longer than the original blow. True peace isn't washing off the mud; it is defiantly standing on the solid ground we built after walking through it - or smearing it on our bodies… lol. Thank you for reminding us that surviving and moving on is the best foundation for closure. PS: Love that haiku!!!!
If YOU love the Haiku, I did something right! :) You're amazing my friend. Thank YOU for showing us what moving forward through a life unexpected can, and should, look like.
I often wonder when someone casually says…I had NO trauma growing up. I was never yelled at or hit. Some never feel loss through cancer, a suicide, a car wreck…I still am stunned, maybe jealous, maybe in awe…life throws you lots of balls…some of us get a lot more balls…we learn to juggle, catch, drop some…this thing called Life.
I honestly stare at those people with absolute wonder. How can you go through life so untouched? I'll never know. I'm happy for them, but somehow, I feel sorry too. They will get hit so much harder when it inevitably comes.
What a beautiful story, Tyler. I love how you worded it and how every word conveys a meaning, a feeling, or an action. And put together tells a story that everyone can relate to in some small way. Only the best writers can invoke that in people. That is you, my sweet, dear, weird friend! Long live the weirdness in all of us! It took me a very long time to accept and appreciate my different-ness and a very supportive husband!
Wow, this one got me right in the feels. Rather than keeping on waiting for apologies, or even ownership of the hurts, which I realised would never be coming, I go back in my heart and mind to those little versions of me and apologise to them myself. I promise them that things get better, that life is going to get so good it’s almost silly.
"We are creatures that forget joy faster than we do heartache." Wow. Why is that? Why is it easier to hold on to the bad things, the things that hurt? Why is it easer to believe that heartache is more likely to happen to us than joy? Than love? Than happiness? I grapple with this a lot. How do I train my brain to hope? To believe in the good things more than the bad things?
I wish I knew. I so very wish I knew. To try to answer your question: The only way to train it to hope, is to just start hoping. Even if it's forced, even if it's hard. We only get better at what we actually Do.
You got the music back!!!! I'm so happy for you!
We’ll see if they keep comin after me!
My mom once told me of you wait for someone to ask, you won’t get the opportunity to forgive most of the time. An opportunity, because grace and forgiveness is first and foremost for the one trapped in their pain, secondly for the ones inflicting it.
As my mom lay in a sun soaked piano parlor, quickly, shockingly transitioning toward the heaven she spent her life guiding others toward, most remember her quickness to forgive:
“Vicky forgave the moment she was offended. No one needed to explain or ask. Her heart was already washed and wishing another well.”
Mom has thousands of people reaching out, hundreds hoping to visit, more than fifty offering to take shifts during a shocking diagnosis and decision to keep her home for these last weeks.
And because we shared her with the world then, we are keeping her to ourselves for the most part now.
What I scorned once, saying goodbye as she left to travel the world, I pray I can be half of what she is as she prepares one last time to leave as I realize, there was never anything to forgive in the first place. “Love connects us across space, it doesn’t matter how far we are away” she used to say. Yesterday, she said “Love can connect us across time, it’s eternal.”
Wow. Just wow. Thank you to you and your mom. My goodness. Thinking of you both.
This is such wise advice, truly. I love this.
I wish I could go back and understand but I can't..... always always love every cell in you
You did the BEST job in the world. I love you so much :)
Tyler, This is beautiful and piercingly true. Waiting for an apology really is like demanding the past rewrite itself. Your imagery of the scab reminds us that the expectation of correction, retribution, or compensation can hurt deeply—and last longer than the original blow. True peace isn't washing off the mud; it is defiantly standing on the solid ground we built after walking through it - or smearing it on our bodies… lol. Thank you for reminding us that surviving and moving on is the best foundation for closure. PS: Love that haiku!!!!
If YOU love the Haiku, I did something right! :) You're amazing my friend. Thank YOU for showing us what moving forward through a life unexpected can, and should, look like.
I often wonder when someone casually says…I had NO trauma growing up. I was never yelled at or hit. Some never feel loss through cancer, a suicide, a car wreck…I still am stunned, maybe jealous, maybe in awe…life throws you lots of balls…some of us get a lot more balls…we learn to juggle, catch, drop some…this thing called Life.
I honestly stare at those people with absolute wonder. How can you go through life so untouched? I'll never know. I'm happy for them, but somehow, I feel sorry too. They will get hit so much harder when it inevitably comes.
What a beautiful story, Tyler. I love how you worded it and how every word conveys a meaning, a feeling, or an action. And put together tells a story that everyone can relate to in some small way. Only the best writers can invoke that in people. That is you, my sweet, dear, weird friend! Long live the weirdness in all of us! It took me a very long time to accept and appreciate my different-ness and a very supportive husband!
Thank you so much Tracy, seriously. It means more than you know that you like what I put out there. Love live the weirdness!
Wow, this one got me right in the feels. Rather than keeping on waiting for apologies, or even ownership of the hurts, which I realised would never be coming, I go back in my heart and mind to those little versions of me and apologise to them myself. I promise them that things get better, that life is going to get so good it’s almost silly.
This is so beautiful Kit. THIS is what we need, not waiting for apologies, GIVING them to ourselves!
"We are creatures that forget joy faster than we do heartache." Wow. Why is that? Why is it easier to hold on to the bad things, the things that hurt? Why is it easer to believe that heartache is more likely to happen to us than joy? Than love? Than happiness? I grapple with this a lot. How do I train my brain to hope? To believe in the good things more than the bad things?
I wish I knew. I so very wish I knew. To try to answer your question: The only way to train it to hope, is to just start hoping. Even if it's forced, even if it's hard. We only get better at what we actually Do.