By now, I think it’s safe to say that most of you know me pretty damn well. I recognize some of your names from Tumblr days, some from before the Typewriter Series began, some from the very first Daily Haiku on Love. A few were here from the start, before Chasers of the Light (the book) found its way into bookstores and living rooms, before I ever knew where any of these words would land. First, foremost, I must say thank you. To all of you who joined me ages ago and never bothered to leave for one reason or a million others, to all who trust me enough with your time, your hearts, your minds, your fears, your writing, your hard earned dollars for those who support, I don’t know how to say how much I appreciate it. Thank You, will have to do, for now. At any rate, you all know me well, and so you’ll no doubt understand that sharing intimate glimpses into my life is something I have always done. I have never shied away from telling my story, and telling all of it, the pretty bits, the ugly bits, all the bits in between. I have never sugar coated, never lied, and I have never pretended to be anything other than the autistic, eccentric, wildly passionate moron that I am. I say what I feel, I feel everything, and I Love who and what I love, proudly.
I remember a time in the not too distant past, when I was gently suggested that in order to advance my career, in order to have more success with building a larger following, I would need to hide the more personal details of my love life. I would need, in short, to present myself as available in order to properly entice whomever they thought I should be enticing, in order to seem what they referred to as “possible.” I most likely don’t have to explain to you how I reacted to this suggestion, I probably don’t need to expound upon precisely what I said. Needless to say, I went the exact opposite way, and in a very short and simple summary, I said I would rather lose every single follower, every single sale, every single bit of career success, than pretend to be something I was not, and what’s more, what was most important, I would never, ever, do that to a person I loved. Still, an unsettling realization washed over me from this interaction, a truth I didn’t really understand before, but couldn’t un-learn: SO many people in any form of public light, are forced to do precisely this every single day. So many people become the illusion they put out into the world, the eligible bachelor, the single woman, the available type that was nothing if not a possibility to whomever happened to stumble upon them, their art, their life. I cannot help but wonder why?
When did we lose our ability to be vulnerable? When did we forget that the best art is that which speaks intimately about who we truly are? When did the false narrative become the full story? I Believe in intimacy, and I believe in the courage to celebrate love when it is found. I believe in sharing glimpses of what we’ve found in our art, in our joy, in the way we walk through this simple life. I believe that it’s our choice to share what we wish to share, and that those that are supposed to find us will find us, not because of the things we’re hiding, but because of the truths we’ve found the strength to offer up into the universe.
The fact is, no one but myself and my lovely wife will ever know our full story, no one will ever see the full picture, and there is mystery in this. There is magic. But, and I’ve come to realize this Signal Fire is filled with a great deal of wonderful Buts, I have found such freedom, such peace, and such fire, in the sharing of the little bits of us, the peeks at the intimacy we share, the story we’ve been telling. Sarah and I have spoken, at great length about this, and she couldn’t agree more. She is moved by the sheer volume of people that reach back out to us telling us that they know, without a shadow of a doubt, that their person is out there, waiting for them. We get so many messages from so many of you saying such wonderful things about the importance of believing you’re worth a love that makes you want to shout it from the mountaintops, share it on silly social media, and we both have seen such subtle and simple ways our own bond has grown from the sharing of it. To put it simply, there is strength in admitting, out loud to the whole of the world, that you are proud of who you love, and who loves you in return.
Some may disagree, some probably choose to unfollow me when confronted with the truths I write, the intimate peeks I offer, and this is ok. I know, I have always known, I am an acquired taste, and I am ok with this. My autism is an insulator against giving too much of a shit about this, and it always will be. I am passionate, loudly so, and I stand by the things I feel. For all of you who stay, again, thank you. I hope you understand you’ll always be given the truth here, you’ll always be on the receiving end of exactly who I am, exactly what I’m experiencing, and exactly what I love.
After all, what’s the point of anything else?
Little bits of us,
peeks inside intimacy,
the story we tell.
Song of the Week
Pssst…have you ordered your 2022 Chasers of the Light Calendar yet? You totally should, cause they are rad, and I don’t want 200 of them sitting in my basement. I Love you.
You can get lots more of my poetry, photographs, and musings by signing up for the Signal Fire exclusive community (just $5 a month). Hope to see you join in and become more directly engaged with me and the Chasers of the Light community! Here’s to sharing even more of the beauty of this wild life. If not, I love you all the same.
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Peeks Inside Intimacy | 11.21.21