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Some days it’s as if I’m in the emptiness and loneliness and have lost hope that there is anything better. On the days I don’t feel that way, it’s terrifying to think about going back.

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I’ve settled so often in life - in my former marriage, in countless jobs… now that I’m in a properly fulfilling relationship and job, where it’s hard to imagine there could be anything more perfect for me, I see with perfect hindsight just how unsettled that settling made me.

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Wish you had this podcast when I was in my late teens/early twenties! Still wise words for me in my mid-fifties.

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Nov 7, 2022Liked by Tyler Knott Gregson

❣️

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When I look back it feels wrong to say I have regrets about certain decisions. I married young and was oh so naive. It only took 4 years for me to realize it wasn’t likely to last. But I’d had a child, and my own childhood was filled with wonderful memories and an intact and loving marriage between my parents. Until theirs wasn’t. I came through the divorce at 12 in a healthier way than my brother who was 2.5 yrs older. But I could not imagine the thought of another woman raising my girls part time. So I stayed. Another 20 years. Teetering on the ledge of hope that something would change. I’d feel better. One day I looked in the mirror and didn’t know who was looking back. I really didn’t know her anymore. There’s more to my story and I’ve been alone for close to a decade. Celibate for nearly 6 years. I’m ok, then I’m not. Back and forth in a lonely yet not always existence. Sometimes I revel in the independence I was born with, my ability to be with myself. And others I’m lost in an ocean of tears, wishing my person would materialize. I wholeheartedly agree with you, Tyler. Settling is not an option. Yet now it’s another precarious ledge I find myself on, in a different way this time. I’m eclipsed to even find words to explain it. So I’ll leave my rambling here and say thank you. Thanks for being a beacon for us. With love, always.

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I cannot possibly love this - or agree with it - more. I settled. When I found myself pregnant at 18, a freshman in college, we got married and made it work, largely because my mom said I needed to quit school and move home. I was 19 when I had my son, and 21 when my daughter was born (and I was still in college). I stayed with him for 27 years, because I settled and was terrified of the unknown. I did the same with my job - stayed with a company for over 20 years because of the idea "It's better to stick with the devil you know vs. the one you don't." Now, 4 years later, I'm a very different person, I've found someone who loves me unconditionally and makes my soul vibrate, and I have a great job I love.

Don't waste time. Don't settle. Take the risks. Live your truth.

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