Who Else Should I Be? | 11.19.20
Introspection time…answer me this, if you please: Do you look inward ever and wonder if you’re living up to the person you should be? Do you wonder if you need to be kinder, softer, more joyful, do you wonder if you’re not living up to some standard you set for yourself that no one else does? I find myself sometimes wondering these things, but what makes it altogether more challenging is that my ASD makes it so my own self-image is hardly there at all. I do not look in mirrors often, never into my own eyes, and I can honestly say that I have no true ego that I’m aware of. I look at myself and it’s mostly blank and mostly a mystery, which complicates situations like the haiku below even further, as I’m wondering if I am doing enough without any basis behind it to compare to. My goodness, this is a train wreck of thought and I hope some of you understand, and I would love to hear how YOU feel about this when it comes to your own imaginings. Ring in, I’m all ears.
Am I more than this,
am I letting myself down?
Who else should I be?
Haiku on Life by Tyler Knott Gregson
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For me, it is not about letting myself down. It is about letting others down.
This is so timely, as I've recently been wondering if I'm on the right path for my life, is this what I'm meant to do, who I'm meant to be? What about the relationships that have changed or even faded completely after life events and then the pandemic caused physical distance? I'm a believer in signs, and I got one loud and clear this week that things will settle, and it will be okay. Sometimes I have difficulty with being patient and letting things play out - I feel as though I should be doing more to direct the course of my life, when I really need to just let it be for a while. Wise words from John Lennon.