I won’t name names, I won’t call anyone out or reveal any secrets, but I will say something here, and I will hope it answers one of the Worry Knott questions that I was privately sent, but does so in a safely public way. The short-version of the question was simple:
I’m not sure who asked the question - but thanks for putting words to a question that so many of us couldn’t...
As an almost 47 year old (02/06) divorced man with 3 older kids (23, 20, 17 - still my kids 😉) who only dated one girl in high school and married her and was with her for 18 years before our separation (and another 5 before the divorce was finalized) - HALF MY LIFE!
I don’t even know the dance steps anymore (ps - I’m a singer not a dancer, ladies ☺️) - I’m just starting to even try and it is the most tense feeling, tightrope shaking, fear of failing, fear of losing again...but I’m not gonna stop searching and I’m not gonna stop trying and I’m not gonna let fear make me lonely for the rest of my life...
You hit the nail on the head, Tyler; the love? It’s easy, comfortable; grace pours out so freely because of the strength and roots...
But if it’s not chosen, or if fears take over for one or the other, well.
All the same “love is an infinite patient soul, singing lullabies to itself in the dark” (a line from a poem I wrote a few months back after having a door closed: I finally turned it into a song!)
I love the way you answered this. I really resonated with the part about love being the choosing over and over to keep going with the other person, to keep doing the work of maintaining the relationship, as easy as it is to establish it with the right person. I've always felt that....bear with me....a relationship is like a houseplant, or a garden. You can buy a plant from a nursery or aquire a cutting that's aesthetically beautiful and is a perfect fit for the life you live....but it's a living breathing thing. You cannot put it on a shelf and expect it to thrive. It needs attention... regular water, being turned to face the light for even growth, and sometimes a loving pruning to encourage new growth. A repotting if it's outgrown the container it's living in. The relationship is symbiotic. It beautifies your life, but it requires much of you to keep making your life better. And it has its own life in your absence. At the end of the day, it's a commitment to foster the growth of another, while they enrich your life with their presence....and while being in or around your home, their roots are their own. I don't know if the analogy makes sense to anyone else, but I've often found trees and plans and the way they're interdependent on resources and share struggles like weather, but are also independent growing beings to feel a lot like raising a family. It's my job to nurture and cultivate the love with my husband and my boys....and my house plants and my gardens.... it's ALL an act of love. And love is a state of being....but much more a doing and a giving, a choosing, a deciding, an investing. And when the reciprocity exists, that they also invest and decide and choose and give and do in return....no one runs out. The needs are met and the growth is mutual. I used to think love was most synonymous with trust....and it's a pretty important part.....but I believe more and more that it's specifically trusting the other person to mutually cultivate growth within relationship....that we're all each other's gardens.
Beautiful! ❤️
Wow!
I’m not sure who asked the question - but thanks for putting words to a question that so many of us couldn’t...
As an almost 47 year old (02/06) divorced man with 3 older kids (23, 20, 17 - still my kids 😉) who only dated one girl in high school and married her and was with her for 18 years before our separation (and another 5 before the divorce was finalized) - HALF MY LIFE!
I don’t even know the dance steps anymore (ps - I’m a singer not a dancer, ladies ☺️) - I’m just starting to even try and it is the most tense feeling, tightrope shaking, fear of failing, fear of losing again...but I’m not gonna stop searching and I’m not gonna stop trying and I’m not gonna let fear make me lonely for the rest of my life...
Tyler - I like “easy as breathing” -
breathing is good 💜
it's the quest of a lifetime and then once you find it, then the quest is to take care of it
You hit the nail on the head, Tyler; the love? It’s easy, comfortable; grace pours out so freely because of the strength and roots...
But if it’s not chosen, or if fears take over for one or the other, well.
All the same “love is an infinite patient soul, singing lullabies to itself in the dark” (a line from a poem I wrote a few months back after having a door closed: I finally turned it into a song!)
I love the way you answered this. I really resonated with the part about love being the choosing over and over to keep going with the other person, to keep doing the work of maintaining the relationship, as easy as it is to establish it with the right person. I've always felt that....bear with me....a relationship is like a houseplant, or a garden. You can buy a plant from a nursery or aquire a cutting that's aesthetically beautiful and is a perfect fit for the life you live....but it's a living breathing thing. You cannot put it on a shelf and expect it to thrive. It needs attention... regular water, being turned to face the light for even growth, and sometimes a loving pruning to encourage new growth. A repotting if it's outgrown the container it's living in. The relationship is symbiotic. It beautifies your life, but it requires much of you to keep making your life better. And it has its own life in your absence. At the end of the day, it's a commitment to foster the growth of another, while they enrich your life with their presence....and while being in or around your home, their roots are their own. I don't know if the analogy makes sense to anyone else, but I've often found trees and plans and the way they're interdependent on resources and share struggles like weather, but are also independent growing beings to feel a lot like raising a family. It's my job to nurture and cultivate the love with my husband and my boys....and my house plants and my gardens.... it's ALL an act of love. And love is a state of being....but much more a doing and a giving, a choosing, a deciding, an investing. And when the reciprocity exists, that they also invest and decide and choose and give and do in return....no one runs out. The needs are met and the growth is mutual. I used to think love was most synonymous with trust....and it's a pretty important part.....but I believe more and more that it's specifically trusting the other person to mutually cultivate growth within relationship....that we're all each other's gardens.