Oh how we alternate, oh how we float back and forth between two things, between many more. Overjoyed for a time, devastated moments later, we flow like water between the emotions of our lives. Expectations of stasis are fruitless, dangerous, and unfair, we are made to be many things all at once, and I know this to be true of myself. Part of my ASD is this, waking and waiting to see which I am, which me, and I am sure it’s a challenge to be around for those who are near. I do not mean anything by this, sometimes I open my eyes and all things feel quiet and calm, sometimes I wake and my mind is a hive of bees and I cannot find the queen. I am so many things, and I have come to terms with this. Do you feel this, too? Do you oscillate, as I do?
I am an empath and I oscillate in a way too. I feel like I have no control over the moods of those around me. I feel others' emotions at times as if they are my own. This at times can be nerve wrecking. I often feel "the storm" inside others. Sometimes I am lucky and feel their peace. I have learned to block a part of this out, but I am quite horrible at blocking it out. I am highly sensitive and this makes life so much harder at times. So acceptance of who you are as a person, to me that makes much more sense. I often tell my kids that being sensitive is like having an HD TV....you live in High Definition. You dont see life in Standard Definition like the rest of the world and that makes you extraordinary.
I love the music you’ve been sharing. I have a hard time finding new music that I enjoy. Thank you for expanding my library. Any chance you might share an entire playlist of the music you share here?
I too oscillate (and isn't that a great word! love how it feels in my mouth!). I think it is human nature. Flitting between thoughts, ideas, plans, possibilities, and expectations. I no longer fight it. My soul embraces it as an essential part of who I am...of my creativity...of my intellect.
I think if we're being honest, a lot of us oscillate between states. Maybe it's ASD, maybe it's being an empath.....but we're all beings of energy bumping up against other energies and feeling them in some degree of intensity, or bumping up against circumstances and having either reactions or responses. The idea of living from a place of detachment and existing in some zen state of equanimity has appeal....probably why many seek it out.....but I have my doubts about that, too. That state of calm is a refuge and an oasis when life is too too much. But I don't know that I'd enjoy life so calm and serene that we're protected from the peaks and valleys, the highs and lows. I imagine a life felt like you're in a bubble or floating on a cloud must be monotonous after awhile (I'll let you know if I ever get that experience! 😜). In the meantime, I try to embrace the oscillating nature of things. I sit back in repose when things are good, sipping a glass of wine, and I charge in to handle things when things are chaos, rolling up my sleeves to get a thing done. On a down day, I self care until it goes aww away, aided by hot showers and hotter coffee. And on a day that sparkles, I throw some light around to brighten my corner of the world. I guess I just try to honor what comes and ride whatever wave comes my way. I try to stay grounded, take deep breaths, and just ask, "Universe, what do you intend for me today? Is it a blessing or a lesson? I await your reply."
thanks for your thoughts Tyler. it's helpful to be part of this community with other poetic souls and see that we have a lot in common. your words are beautiful and this is a beautiful community you have created. this thing -- oscillation -- shares the sh** out of me. but there's no use fighting it. sometimes i'll be sitting there with my wife or daughter and everything feels perfect and complete and it's in that moment i'm visited by the grief that the moment is about to end. but strangely when i'm feeling down i don't always have the same clarity that things are about to change in the other direction.
Oscillate. That is a perfect word. I feel this so deeply. I'm always shifting and can be many different versions of myself in a day. Sometimes there is no explanation for why I drift between moods and emotions, but I'm trying to learn to just accept where I am every moment. I'm always striving to be present and kind to myself. I think every day we just have to keep learning how to embrace our own humanity.
OMG... I feel this every day! Thank you for these words... we are all in this BEAUTIFUL life together 🙂❤️
Oscillate, what a great word! I definitely ebb and flow .